I have PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome

I have PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It has taken me a long long time to be able to say that without feelings of denial, embarrassment, resentment, self recriminations, guilt, depression and plain old fashioned self-pity. To accept that I have a condition that is a leading cause of infertility in women has been a really long journey...and one that is ongoing.

I had no prior warning of infertility, though the signs were there. I've always had irregular periods, but then loads of women do and go on to have perfectly normal pregnancies. I had put on a lot of weight, but I put that down to long work hours, stress, bad eating habits and no exercise. I didn't really have acne problems, though hirsutism (excessive unwanted hair) was something I'd learnt to live with. On my mother's side, I did have a family history of diabetes, but personally hadn't had blood sugar problems. In effect, I had never heard of PCOS, even though I displayed some of the classic symptoms. So when I visited the gynae, that was her first diagnosis, and she sent me for an ultrasound that confirmed bilateral (both ovaries) PCOS. Uh oh!!

Both my parents are doctors. I'd been raised in a family where sickness was limited to seasonal flus and the occasional childhood one time measles and mumps. All treatable with rest, chicken soup and the occasional medicine. I'd never been admitted in a hospital, was terrified of needles and of the firm belief that all illnesses are symptoms of known causes and were temporary and treatable. Then I learnt about PCOS.

First, there is no established cause. What???? A leading reason for infertility and people don't know what causes it?? It sounded incredible! But it doesn't stop there. There is no cure either. I have an incurable syndrome that makes me infertile! And there is more to come. It causes insulin resistance, obesity that after a tipping point goes on an upward spiral and diabetes. All this along with infertility, irregular periods, hirsutism, acne, hair loss, depression.....and NO CURE! Just in case my cup wasn't already full, it also increases risks of cardiovascular diseases, strokes, miscarriages, thyroid problems, lipid metabolism problems, high blood pressure, even endometrial cancer - each symptom and risk leading to its own set of medical complications!! And we don't know what causes it, we don't know what cures it...its a lifelong companion.

I'm not sure what I first felt on getting to know all this. Mostly numb I guess. To be told you have an incurable lifelong problem, which in turn will create a whole host of other problems, based on a set of what you thought were symptoms to just shrug off...numb and flabbergasted describes it best.

Nothing in my family history prepared me for this, except the diabetes on my mum's side. Still, no one else had PCOS. To say I was thoroughly unprepared to deal with my doctor's diagnosis would be an understatement. I had something with no cause and no cure - it seemed completely unfair, out of the blue and just unbelievable!! I hadn't done anything to deserve it. Why me???