Trying to conceive - TTC

My doctor started me on daily tablets of metformin and folic acid supplement. This was the first phase. First I had to get my body back into order - lose weight and reduce my blood pressure. Easier said than done! Metformin is actually an anti-diabetic drug and tackles the PCOS symptom of insulin resistance. It also helps in weight loss.

I started the pills along with trying to control diet and exercise. I did lose some weight, and after 6 months decided to start trying to conceive (TTC).

A normal cycle goes something like this (in layman's terms). The woman gets her period, about 7 days, then her ovaries start forming follicles. The endometrium (uterine lining) starts thickening in preparation of pregnancy. Follicles mature/grow to a certain size, then rupture to release the egg at around the 11th-15th day. This is the fertility period when the egg is available for fertilization by the sperm. A fertilized egg (now called embryo) implants in the uterine lining and attaches itself to the uterus for a successful pregnancy. Then comes a 10-12 day suspense phase when you may or may not be pregnant. At the end of this cycle, if you are not pregnant, the body will start shedding off the endometrium lining and this is the start of periods and a new cycle. The whole thing takes about 28 days. Any one thing going wrong will require abandoning the cycle and waiting for a month for the next one. Sometimes, if you have ended up with a surfeit of hormones, you might need an extra non contraceptive cycle to help your body get back to normal before trying again. So one messed up cycle could mean 3 months wasted!

This TTC business takes time. I couldn't adjust to that for a long time. I was used to a fast paced life - work hard, party hard, instant gratification, deadlines and results. Suddenly, I'm in a space where anything can go wrong, which you can't control; every small thing will send you back to square one and you have to wait for the next viable cycle; and even if you do everything right, results may not come and you won't even know it till your next cycle starts!

In my case, I faced everything. One cycle, I wouldn't have follicles. Another, the follicles wouldn't mature properly. In yet another, the follicles wouldn't rupture. Another time, my lining wasn't thick enough. A few times when everything was ok, we tried natural and artificial insemination, but the embryos wouldn't implant. In each stage I was variously on pills or injections, almost daily ultrasound monitoring, sometimes in the hospital for artificial insemination and giving blood tests to keep a check on hormone levels. Frustrating, maddening, time consuming and emotionally draining, without even taking into account the side effects of all the hormone stuff I was taking!!

I spent more than 3 years doing this, gave up my job, had a laproscopy surgery done (to make my ovaries more responsive to developing follicles), a hysteroscopy (to check my uterus and tubes) and spent 6 months in tuberculosis treatment (because 1 out of 3 tests came positive). My doctor wanted to cover all possible bases, and with failure after failure, we decided finally to go for the last option - IVF. I once sat down and made a chart. In 3yrs+ of trying, we had had only 5-6 cycles which had gone upto fertilization stage - 3 failed in IUI and the others in natural conception. Just 6 real chances in 3+ years. To say that I found the chart demoralizing would be a massive understatement.

I had given up everything, job, career, friends, interests; spent 3 years of my life in and out of doctors' offices & hospitals, and had nothing.